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Literature Text
......................is it ready?
.......................yes mistress, she will be getting it soon.
........................and then?
..........................................
only time will stand between us...........
Mes: OMGSKYWILLNEVERFORGIVEMEIFSHEFINDSOUT!!! Mesfin was riding on Yoster so fast you would have thought his life depended on it, and it probably did. Yos: why da rush buddy? Mes: cue flashback!
----------------------------------------------------1 week before..........................................................................
Mesfin was standing in a puddle for no apparent reason when sky ran up to him with a flyer in her hand. Sky: Hey Mesfin! Check this out! Apparently the flyer was advertising crystal hearts on sale at the mushroom flea market next Tuesday. Sky: They're soooo pretty! But I don't have enough money to buy them. Mes: hmm. Well, I do get a lot of spare coins around the kingdom, I could buy it for you. Sky: You would!? Oh, thank you thank you thank you!
------------------------------------------------------now----------------------------------------------------------------------
Yos: but Tuesday was yesterday. Mes: I know. Thats why I'm looking for leftovers from the sale. As Mesfin approached the store,he hopped of Yoster and ran up to a kid selling antiques. Me: Excuse me, do you have any of those crystal hearts left from yesterday!?!? Salesman: actually, we have one left. He pulled out a black heart, dark as night. Salesman: That'll be 50 coi- Mes: here! He handed off 50 coins and ran off with the heart screaming" I got it!' Salesman: Fell for it, just as I thought.
End part 1
.......................yes mistress, she will be getting it soon.
........................and then?
..........................................
only time will stand between us...........
Mes: OMGSKYWILLNEVERFORGIVEMEIFSHEFINDSOUT!!! Mesfin was riding on Yoster so fast you would have thought his life depended on it, and it probably did. Yos: why da rush buddy? Mes: cue flashback!
----------------------------------------------------1 week before..........................................................................
Mesfin was standing in a puddle for no apparent reason when sky ran up to him with a flyer in her hand. Sky: Hey Mesfin! Check this out! Apparently the flyer was advertising crystal hearts on sale at the mushroom flea market next Tuesday. Sky: They're soooo pretty! But I don't have enough money to buy them. Mes: hmm. Well, I do get a lot of spare coins around the kingdom, I could buy it for you. Sky: You would!? Oh, thank you thank you thank you!
------------------------------------------------------now----------------------------------------------------------------------
Yos: but Tuesday was yesterday. Mes: I know. Thats why I'm looking for leftovers from the sale. As Mesfin approached the store,he hopped of Yoster and ran up to a kid selling antiques. Me: Excuse me, do you have any of those crystal hearts left from yesterday!?!? Salesman: actually, we have one left. He pulled out a black heart, dark as night. Salesman: That'll be 50 coi- Mes: here! He handed off 50 coins and ran off with the heart screaming" I got it!' Salesman: Fell for it, just as I thought.
End part 1
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Wow, 5 in one day!? I'm on fire! So, cc 1 is up. I'll say more later.
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Comments6
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The use of all the dots here is...unclear. Why are you using them? They don't seem to serve much of a purpose other than to make the piece look messy and unorganised.
If you're going to use speech between two characters, use the speech marks; "", rather than the characters names:
This piece jumps around a lot too. I didn't really understand where it was going, or what was going on. You need to organise this better, include more details about whats going on.
The use of the caps lock and the "omgishfsedgnrg" section is unnecessary and makes the piece seem very amateur. It's like you're writing a text to your best friend rather than writing a story for the masses.
You have a basis for a good story here if you just include more detail, organise your thoughts better, and get rid of some of your accents, i.e. dots and capitals, that make the piece look messy.
3 stars out of 5.
If you're going to use speech between two characters, use the speech marks; "", rather than the characters names:
This piece jumps around a lot too. I didn't really understand where it was going, or what was going on. You need to organise this better, include more details about whats going on.
The use of the caps lock and the "omgishfsedgnrg" section is unnecessary and makes the piece seem very amateur. It's like you're writing a text to your best friend rather than writing a story for the masses.
You have a basis for a good story here if you just include more detail, organise your thoughts better, and get rid of some of your accents, i.e. dots and capitals, that make the piece look messy.
3 stars out of 5.